i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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