You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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