I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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