did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
