If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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