My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
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She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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