Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
