how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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