so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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