i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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