I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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