well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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