i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
