i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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