now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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