I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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