Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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