She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
