yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
