You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I understand Curling. That high.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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