i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the day after is always just damage control
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
