best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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