Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
