I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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