The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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