I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize