Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
