No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
