It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
