im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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