Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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