Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize