I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
