jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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