Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
im on a boat
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