Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
one might say we're banned from that church
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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