I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
