I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
