remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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