Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
