i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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