So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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