i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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