I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
