Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im holly from the hills drunk
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
