end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
