I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
