She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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