I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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