Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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