ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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