did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
