I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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