so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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