Sponge bath it is.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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