After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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