Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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