i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
