I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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