My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
