Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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