Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize