well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
