By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
