Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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