my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
