Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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