Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just found puke in my bra..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
