It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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