Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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