we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
