I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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