Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
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Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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